The Fine Art of Common Sense
by Starlight Glimmer
Summary: She blamed Albus. Minerva told him that leaving Harry Potter with those Muggles would demolish any inkling of common sense the boy had, but the old coot just didn't listen to her. Brilliant, just brilliant. And of course, Potter is destined to create trouble, she just knows that making friends with Draco Malfoy is only the beginning...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Again, half the credit goes to Kazo Sakamari, my wonderful co-writer! Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: H.P not mine.**

Or are you from a mental hospital? I'm sure there's a mental asylum nearby, Uncle Vernon can take you." – Harry Potter.

The day Albus Dumbledore, that old coot, coerced Professor Minerva McGonagall into taking one Harry James Potter to Diagon Alley; she should have known there would be trouble. Harry Potter was after all, not just The Boy Who Lived, but the son of the troublemaker, James Potter and Lily Evans, the classic Miss Perfect.

Whoever was the result of those two was sure to turn out… unusual, to say at the least.

But of course, she had still agreed to go Diagon Alley, because what the Headmaster wanted, the Headmaster got. And if he wanted her to go shopping with Harry Potter, she would go shopping with Harry Potter. Though she didn't really want to at all.

Especially not after Harry Potter's first words to her were, "Are you a stalker?"

Because that was not what she had expected at all (even with the mixed up genes). But, having the _exceptional _experience she had and being the professional Professor she was, Minerva answered regally and very composedly,  
"Don't be foolish, child. I am most certainly not a stalker and, unless you wish to earn a detention, please do not ask me that again. My name is Professor Minerva McGonagall, but you will refer to me as Professor McGonagall or simply Professor. I work at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where you have been accepted. Now, you are expected to arrive on Platform 9 and 3/4 at Kings Cross on September 1st, but that would be explained by me in due time Mr. Potter. I am here to inform your relatives of this development, as they seem to have not received the countless letters I have sent them." The Professor pursed her lips and continued on. "Now, may I talk to your Uncle?"

Harry, who had been gaping at her all along, spoke in an awestruck voice and a completely straight face. "Are you from a mental hospital, madam? I'm sure there's an asylum nearby, Uncle Vernon can take you." The boy frowned thoughtfully. 'Though, you really must pay him something, otherwise he'll be right mad.' T

hen, as though suddenly realizing something, he said, "And Uncle has read those letters. He just burned them all because he didn't want the freaky stuff contaminating them but Aunt Petunia warned him that one of your kind would come. And since _you_ are here, I think she's right. Unless you are a stalker."

The Transfiguration teacher was kind enough (or so she thought) to ignore the reference to her being a stalker. "One of my kind? Freaky stuff?" Professor McGonagall spluttered indignantly. "Excuse me, Mr. Potter but you're my-."  
Things had then turned rapidly from bad to worse. She had been forced to spend the next half an hour explaining his parent's death, why he was here and all those other frightful things. And they hadn't even covered Hogwarts yet… And those bright emerald eyes just kept staring at her!

Two hours later, after Minerva had answered any and every question that young Mr. Potter could come up with (which was quite a lot, mind you), calmed down his uncle and aunt (which was a far harder task than one might think) she finally got around to why she was here in the first place. "Are we walking there? Is it far? I don't like walking to places. I prefer riding, but Dudley broke the bike. Sat on it. Do you know how to ride a bike?" Minerva sighed. She was no seer, but even she knew that this was going to be a long day.

By the time the two of them actually made it to Diagon alley Minerva was about ready to rip her hair out. He was a charming boy, he really was. But Merlin, so many bloody questions. So many bloody questions…

But they were finally here. It was almost over. Just a few more hours and she would be done. And she could go home, to her house. Where it was quiet, and there were no annoying little boys who thought she was mental.

Of course, she had spent seven years teaching James Potter. She should have learned by now that whenever she got that feeling that something bad was going to happen. And Merlin's pants something did.  
Unfortunately.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: As you should all know, half of the credit goes to KAZO SAKAMARI! So, be sure to thank her too when you review! Now, enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own H.P. **

Minerva McGonagall was ready to retire. In fact, she might just go to Albus right this bloody minute and hand in her resignation letter (not without ranting and demanding Severus should take up the job, of course). Merlin knows she deserved it.

In the short forty-five minutes she had been chaperoning Harry Potter around Diagon Alley, he had managed to let out all the animals out of the Magical Menagerie (don't even ask how, she still couldn't figure it out) and then proceed to tip some foul-smelling Toad Treatment all over her brand new robes. Needless to say, Minerva wasn't having the best time. After she had apologized profusely to the poor assistant at the Magical Menagerie, Harry Potter had run off somewhere unknown. No doubt to create havoc.

Good Godric, even James wasn't this bad. Well, that wasn't entirely true, James Potter was the worst thing to ever set foot inside Hogwarts, but at least he had to work to achieve that. This was just natural talent. Of course, once she realized he was missing, Minerva had rushed off to find Mr Potter, before he could do any more damage to Diagon Alley and possibly destroy one of the older stores (such as Ollivanders. Now that would be a disaster).

At this point, Minerva wouldn't put anything past him anymore, except for being good, obviously. This should have been Severus's job. He would have got it done quickly and had Harry obey him- after all, he was quite the frightening figure with black robes and a sullen face.

It took her a good fifteen minutes to find him, drooling over the Nimbus Two Thousand at Quality Quidditch Supplies (how could she not have guessed?). Honestly, he was just like his father and that wasn't good thing at all.

Then, Minerva was forced to exert her energy (or lack of) as she gave him a tongue-lashing and tried to drag away, but threatening was still required. The Transfiguration teacher had an idea to use blackmailing but then Severus would have been proud of her and that just couldn't happen. "Harry James Potter! I'll give you a whole education's worth of detentions-"  
Of course Harry tried to strike a deal, the nerve of that boy!

Surprisingly, they did manage to come to a compromise, Harry could get his wand earlier than she had planned and he would not return to Quality Quidditch Supplies to drool.

Never in her many years of teaching did Minerva McGonagall expect to succumb to a mere eleven-year-old boy. Even if he did happen to be Harry Potter, and admittedly the son of her favourite students.  
And quite a sweet boy.  
And he had the most striking green-  
'Minerva! Stop thinking these things!' She mentally berated herself, forcing herself to focus on the (surprisingly difficult) task at hand.

"Can we go to Olives-adders now?" Harry whined annoyingly.  
"Ollivanders, Mr Potter." Minerva corrected half-heartedly, not really expecting Harry to listen. Which, of course, he didn't.  
"Ok, Professor McGoogol. Can we go to Olli-pandas already?" The boy whined. And so Minerva allowed herself to be pulled along by a boy who had no idea where Ollivanders was (she really was getting dumb with old age. It was probably due to Albus, who was senile and should probably be in afterlife). Naturally, they got lost.

In Knockturn Alley.

Sometimes, Minerva wondered if Potters just lived to make trouble. Then she realized that this was a stupid thing to wonder, of course Potters lived to make trouble.  
Worst of all, Harry…ugh…Mr Potter had dragged her into Borgin and Burkes, which was just a plain creepy store, not that she would ever admit it. The owner, Barry Borgin, had been flirting, actually flirting with her! She couldn't believe it! The cheek of him!  
So, she did something very, very unprofessional. Minerva McGonagall, the longest standing teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (except for Albus of course) swore. Quite loudly too. "Bloody hell Borgin! What in the name of Merlin's hairy armpit are you doing?!" She then proceeded to manhandle Harry, dragging him out the store and out of Knockturn Alley.  
She really ought to get sacked.  
She really ought to retire.

After that, Minerva hurried him off to Ollivanders. Where he was now standing, still in shock and slack jawed. She felt a tinge of irritation. Honestly, that boy should at least know that she too, was a human being! And besides, being around Black and Potter wasn't going to do her any good anyway. _

Half an hour later, Harry Potter had got his wand, and promptly prodded her with it, turning her robes a bright red. That boy was going to be the death of her.

Then, he just had to meet Draco Malfoy. It had started off innocent enough; they were both standing around the Apothecary examining potion ingredients and had struck up a conversation. They did after all have a lot in common at the time. They were both being dragged around Diagon Alley shopping when they would rather be off exploring.

"Hello," Draco said. "Hogwarts, too?"

"Yes," replied Harry.

"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands, they've dumped me here." Draco said sullenly, looking faintly annoyed. "Where are your parents?"

"Excuse me?"

Draco gave a very dramatic sigh and gestured around the store.

"Where are your parent's if they aren't here?"

"They're dead." Said Harry shortly, not wanting to go into the topic. Draco raised one blond eyebrow incredulously.

"Really?"

"Yes really! Why on earth would I make that up?"

"I don't know, maybe because you're a pathological liar or something."

Harry sputtered for a moment, at a loss of words. After all, no one had ever called him a pathological liar before.

"Well it's the truth, so I'm not a pathological liar!"

"Sure you are..." The blond drawled sarcastically, and then exclaimed, "You're lying again right now!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too you big liar!"

It was at this precise moment when things began to go wrong.

"I am NOT!" Harry screamed at Draco before tackling him to the ground punching, scratching and biting every place he could.

Unfortunately for Harry Draco put up a bit of a fight, well, more than a bit. When the two finally ran out of steam (for the shop keeper had been keeping his distance, afraid that a wayward punch would get him in the eye if he tried to stop them) they were both thoroughly covered in a large number of sticky substances and gooey green goop that they practical were oozing on the floor. Draco rolled off Harry plopping down with a sickening glurp beside him and sighed.

After a brief moment Harry began to laugh. It started out a soft chuckle, then transformed into a small giggle, then into a good and proper laugh, and then somehow morphed into an unusually loud and rather hysterical laughter that Harry was surprised to find Draco Malfoy had joined in on.

The shopkeeper, who had been keeping his distance earlier because of the fight, began to slowly back away from the eleven-year-old boys and into the break room where he quickly closed and locked the door. Ten minutes later when their laughter had finally dried up (only a few chuckles escaped them every now and then) Draco rolled over to face Harry and smiled.

"I forgot to introduce myself, silly of me I know." He held out a green stained, dripping hand. "I'm Draco Malfoy, pureblood and heir to the Malfoy house." Harry grasped his hand with his own orange sticky hand.

"I'm Harry Potter, and I don't really know what you're talking about." They flopped back down on the floor and after a beat of silence Draco spoke.

"You're Harry Potter? As in The Boy Who Lived?"

"Yep, or at least that's what McGoogal says."

Draco ignored the part about McGoogal, figuring it wasn't that important. "So your parents really are dead and you're not a pathological liar."

"Yeah."

"Well then." Draco sat up, offering Harry a sticky hand and pulling him up too. "Sorry about that then mate. Just a small misunderstanding." Harry cocked his head at him, eyes wide. He surveyed the overturned shelves, broken jars, and large mess on the floor along with his split lip and black eye and Draco's torn robes and bloody nose.

"You call this a small misunderstanding?" The blond haired boy shrugged.

"Well, yeah. It could have been a lot worse." It was at that moment when Minerva, and Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy burst through the door.

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Minerva shrieked while Narcissa Malfoy gave a strangled scream at the state of her son and his dress robes (which she had just bought last Saturday). Draco frowned at his mother's loud noise and the look on his father's face.

"Honestly Mother, I thought you'd be happy for me. I've made a new friend."

"We're friends?" Harry asked, taken by surprise by the term, which he had never used himself before.

"Aren't we?"

"Well…yeah. I suppose we are."

"Good." Narcissa Malfoy gave an indignant squeak and dragged her son away from Harry whipping out her wand and vanishing the mess all over his robes. After a moment of shock Minerva did the same to Harry, both women letting out a gasp. Once the goo and gunk that covered the boys had disappeared the injuries they had given each other stood out clearly.

"What did you do to him?" Minerva choked out spinning around to glare at Draco, who held his hands up.

"He started it."

"You attacked my son!" Narcissa shrieked, no longer sounding very sane. Her husband, who up until now had been silent, spoke up.

"What's that on his head?" He asked, pointing at Harry's scar.

"Oh, that's my scar."

"Your scar?"

"Yes…"

"Are you Harry Potter?"

"He is!" Draco said proudly, eager to share information about his new friend with his parents.

"He attacked our son!" Narcissa snapped at her husband, who was looking thoughtful and not at all bothered about his son's current state.

"Yes…but Cissy dear…that is Harry Potter!" Minerva groaned, why her?


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Kazo Sakamari deserves credit for some of this, as she is my brilliant co-writer! Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry. Potter. Universe.**

Minerva took a menacing step towards Harry, who put on a show of cowering with his big green puppy dog eyes. She would not allow herself to go soft though. But that was such an adorable look… No. She would not allow herself to go soft. But…but…he looks so innocent! But he isn't! Before Minerva could possibly argue with herself any longer, Lucius Malfoy stepped in front of her to face Harry and examined his scar more. After convincing himself it was indeed authentic, and that was Harry Potter, Malfoy smiled (Minerva didn't even know his face could do that!).

"See Father! I told you it was Harry Potter! He's my friend now!" Draco repeated happily while his father nodded distractedly.

"Mr. Potter! Would you like to accompany us for lunch?" He asked blatantly ignoring his wife's frantic looks and Minerva's disapproving one. Minerva should at least feel a bit pleased that Harry had bothered to ask for her consent at all. Still, she didn't want to have lunch with the Malfoy's! What if they poisoned her lunch because of that time she gave them two weeks of detention for snogging in a corridor? (She had been in a bad mood because of the WWI (Whomping Willow Incident), so they couldn't blame her…entirely) Not that she could do anything about it now, since Harry was already dragging her along the path, following his new best friend. Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter? Minerva thought, horrified. It'll be Black and Potter all over again! She really couldn't cope with having lunch with the Malfoys at the moment and in a desperate attempt to escaping from it she snapped, "Potter!" The boy looked back at her, along with the Malfoys, with such a goddamn innocent expression that her resolve faltered for a moment, but only a moment. "I'm sorry but we really can't go, don't you want your pet Mr. Potter?" Harry exchanged a look with Draco, who (to Minerva's horror) suggested brightly, "We can go to the Magical Menagerie together, right Harry? I haven't got my familiar either." Damn. Her only leverage was lost, destroyed by eleven-year-old Draco Malfoy, who was now chattering to Harry about what familiars where in a superior tone. Poor James would be rolling in his grave.

"Well…." She trailed off and continued to allow herself to be forcibly marched to the Leaky Cauldron, feeling as though she was walking to her death. At least Tom would be there… "Minerva! What brings you here…with the Malfoys?" Tom asked cheerily, casting a rather distasteful look at the Malfoys. Then, he caught sight of Harry and Draco chatting nicely like they had known each other for a lifetime. "Merlin's Beard! Is…is that Draco Malfoy? And…Harry Potter? They-they…why are they talking like that?" He spluttered, staring wide-eyed at the two boys who were both wearing identical smirks on their faces. Minerva nodded sadly at her old friend.

"They're friends now."

"Merlin's pants!" And then Tom hurried away without bothering to take their order, and worse, abandoning Minerva to the snakes. Narcissa glowered at the waitress, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like unsavory figures. "Really…Lucius dear..." Her husband didn't respond as he was so immersed in Harry and Draco's conversation about snakes. Narcissa refrained rolling her eyes (a very un-lady like thing to do); she'd have a talk with Lucius when they were back in Malfoy Manor…

"Mr. Malfoy? Are you eavesdropping?" Harry asked innocently, and Lucius blushed a little, making Minerva feel a surge of triumph. Unfortunately, Lucius was quite smooth, so he smiled (Minerva felt rather faint at the sight) at Harry and said in an affronted voice, "Of course not Harry!" Minerva narrowed her eyes, since when was Malfoy allowed to call Mr. Potter, Harry? Before she could muse about this weird over protectiveness she felt for the boy, Draco piped up eagerly.

"Father! Did you know that Harry's a Parselmouth?"

Minerva's jaw dropped.

Lucius wore an expression that might have lead one to believe he had just wet his pants.

Narcissa (in her very lady like manner) raised one carefully plucked blond eyebrow in surprise.

Draco gave an annoyingly satisfied smirk.

Harry blinked, looking positively angelic.

Then, Lucius Malfoy (in a rare show of shock) croaked out, "WHAT?" "Harry here's a Parselmouth!" Draco repeated, not at all affected by this unusual ability.

"Sweet Salazar…Harry, let's go." Lucius abruptly stood up, intent on making his way to the door. Harry and Draco half-ran to keep up with him. Harry (being Lily Potter's son after all) asked curiously, "Where are we going?" For a moment or two, Minerva didn't think that Malfoy would grant that with an answer. But apparently she was wrong.

"Knockturn Alley."

Still walking at top speed the group stumbled as the Transfiguration teacher halted. Now, this was just too much. "Look here Malfoy! I refuse to go to Knockturn Alley!" (Of course, it had nothing to do with her slight…phobia of it. It was plain creepy, for Merlin's sake!) Lucius kept on walking, not even bothering to look back. "You don't need to come. I just need Harry to come."

"Well I refuse to let Harry go!" Finally, Lucius stopped, turning around he asked Harry kindly.

"Do you want to come, Harry?" Minerva glared threateningly at the boy, who took no notice whatsoever.

"Yes Mr. Malfoy!" Malfoy smirked triumphantly at Minerva.

"There's no need to call me Mr. Malfoy Harry. Uncle Lucius would do. After all, we are related." Harry looked overwhelmed with happiness and Minerva tried to restrain the urge to strangle Malfoy for corrupting the innocent little boy.

"We're related?" Harry inquired. As expected, Draco answered smugly.

"Yes, of course Harry! See, you're from the Potter family, even if your mother was a mud-"

"Draco…"Malfoy warned. Draco bowed his head a little and mumbled a sorry before launching in his explanation again. "Well, your mother was a muggleborn, see, but your father was pureblood, which means his whole family is just wizards. And then…" Soon, they were once again in Knockturn Alley in a shop that Minerva had never seen or heard of before.

"What is this?" Harry asked, looking curiously around the small, dingy shop and the animals there. "This, Harry, is the…well, it what Muggles call a 'pet shop'. Except, magical animals, as Draco has explained to you, are familiars and are much cleverer than a common pet." Lucius said. "Look around boys." Then, almost as an afterthought (but Minerva knew better, it was just a clever ploy), he added on, "Harry, they're a few snakes here. Would you mind speaking in Parseltongue to them?" And Harry (being quite naïve) nodding earnestly.

"Come on, Draco!" Dragging the blond boy over to a cobra, Harry bent down low to be at eye level with the huge snake. "Hello."

The Malfoys and Minerva watched in rapt fascination as a series of hisses came from Harry's mouth. Then… "You're a speaker? Haven't had one for a long, long time." The snake then planted its unnerving gaze on Lucius Malfoy, hissing something to Harry, who smiled.

"Sweet Salazar…" Malfoy faintly said. "He's a Parselmouth."

"Uncle Lucius! She says you look like a girl!" Harry said happily.

Narcissa groaned.

"I told you to cut your hair." Lucius tucked a strand of his long blond hair behind his ear.

"I do not look like a girl just because I take great care of my hair." Harry snickered and whispered his Draco, "That rhymed." The cobra made a series of hissing noises and Harry looked down at him and smiled, making a few hissing noises back. They seemed to share a significant look with Draco, and then Harry took off running, Draco right at his heels and the snake slithering on the ground next to them. Minerva started, caught off guard by her young wards attempt at escape was a little late on the uptake to stop them. And so the two young boys ducked under her outstretched arm and swerved around Lucius and disappeared around the corner. McGonagall and Lucius immediately took up chase, darting around the other customers trying to capture the children. They lost them after they darted into Knockturn Alley and could no longer see the blond and black haired boys. Panting, Lucius turned. "Do you see them?"

Minerva put her hands on her knees and hurriedly sucked in air. She hadn't run like that in years. "N-no, I think they lost us."

It was only then, with the soft clicking of high heels that Minerva looked up. Narcissa Malfoy was striding toward them. The woman's long, blonde hair flowed behind her, hips swaying slightly and she looked like a runaway model. Minerva was fairly sure she didn't look like that when she walked. And even more amazingly, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were following behind her, one on either side holding her perfectly manicured hands. "Honestly darling, you've had eleven years to learn how control your son. You'd think you would have managed it by now." She stopped in front of her panting husband turning and gave the two young boys a stern look and a nod. Immediately Draco went to stand by his father's side, while Harry moved towards her.

"Now, apologize children." Narcissa spoke in a calm but commanding voice and both Harry and Draco turned to their respective guardians and apologized.

Narcissa gave them a glowing smile, kissing Draco on the head and giving Harry a light squeeze. "Come now, if you two are on your best behavior through lunch we can stop for ice cream later."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Enjoy and review! Kazo Sakamari (Kazzie) helps once again.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

Minerva hated her life. Well, maybe not hated, but she intensely disliked it anyway. Especially when there was one Harry James Potter and one Draco Lucius Malfoy in it. She was in a restaurant called the Rosa Lee teashop (Narcissa had insisted) and every single occupant was staring at the odd group. Lucius seemed oblivious to all this, once again watching Draco and Harry chat animatedly about spells as if they held the secret to the universe. After a while it got a little creepy Minerva thought. "That robe is very nice, Narcissa." Minerva said, looking like she had been forced to swallow some bubotuber pus. It was true though; the emerald green robes complimented the pureblood woman very well.  
"Hmm…" Narcissa replied, red lips pursed in a sour expression as she nursed a cup of tea. Critically examining the transfiguration professor, Narcissa looked her up and down slowly. "Your robes…aren't bad."  
Minerva had never been more offended in her life. How dare she! She knew she couldn't ever be as naturally stunning as Narcissa, but just because she didn't like to squeeze her feet into those outrageously high heels and put on tons of powder… She was a fine looking woman, thank you very much! Even though her robes were about a decade old…  
"Well…since you have so much experience in that department, why don't you give me some advice Narcissa?" She asked challengingly. Oh God. Why did she have to say that? Narcissa blinked slowly and then smiled a thin smile, perfectly white teeth flashing.  
"Of course Minerva! I would love to. Now, if you could attempt to put on some makeup, perhaps a lighter, more neutral lipstick? Maybe some brown eye shadow and mascara? And really, those robes… Your facial features are fine for a woman of your age, but you honestly don't need to dress to express that age." The blond woman sniffed distastefully. "When I was at Hogwarts you looked better. Personally I think that dark green would compliment your eyes…"  
Minerva had never wanted to strangle anyone as much as she did now. Dark green? She was mocking her, Merlin forbid! Then, she heard a snicker. Both women turned to the table nearest them, only to see a newspaper.  
"Lucius!" Narcissa hissed.  
"Lucius, there's someone listening into our conversations!" Lucius as expected ignored his wife (a bad move on his part) and continued to converse in a low voice with the two eleven year olds.  
"Yes and Harry, the so-called 'Dark Spells' aren't really dark at all. You see, it's the intent that matters. For example, let's say…the Levitation Charm-"  
"That's wingardium leviosa, isn't it?"  
"That's right! And accio, that's the summoning charm!" Draco informed eagerly.  
"Draco!" Lucius hushed crossly. "Anyway, as I was saying, Harry. The Levitation Charm, when used…err…with a different intent can actually kill someone. Now the Cruciatus Curse-"  
"That's crucio, isn't it?"  
The name of the Unforgivable caught Minerva's attention and she stood up furiously, pointing a finger at Lucius. "YOU!" Minerva shouted, drawing even more attention from the occupants of the teashop than they had already. Malfoy actually raised his eyebrows at her and nodded, saying slowly, "Yes. Me."  
"HOW DARE YOU? YOU…YOU…CORRUPTED HARRY!"  
Lucius sighed and shook his head sadly, as though this was all a grave misunderstanding. "I did no such thing, Minerva. Get a grip on yourself and stop acting like Trelawney."  
Now that offended her. A lot.  
"DON'T COMPARE ME TO THAT OLD BAT, MALFOY! SHE IS STUPID, INCOMPETENT-"  
"Minerva, you really shouldn't insult your colleagues. Albus would not be happy, you know he has a soft spot for that old bat." A new voice said smoothly and Minerva could just hear the smirk as he said it. Behind the newspaper, Severus Snape sat watching the entire ordeal with, as usual, a smirk on his face. Minerva really hated her life.

"SNAPE?" Even Narcissa was caught by surprise, staring at the greasy haired man in shock.  
"What on earth are you doing here Severus?" Lucius asked, confusion written in his eyebrows.  
"Enjoying a lovely cup of tea, couldn't you tell?" Severus drawled, the dry sarcasm seemingly bouncing right off the Malfoys who continued to stare at him with narrowed eyes. Minerva sunk back down into her chair deciding to just give up now, maybe some kind soul would step in and end her suffering?  
"You need to wash your hair mister." Harry said peeking around Minerva to stare at Snape.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Your hair sir, when was the last time you took a shower?" The small boy glanced to his friend, understanding suddenly dawning in his confused wide eyes. Harry smiled considerately at the Potions Master. "Oh! I understand, sir, Draco and me tipped all this green gooey stuff onto our hair and it got all greasy. It's all right, really, sir, Uncle Lucius said that Hogwarts had brilliant showers!" Draco, who was standing behind Harry attempted to stifle a laugh and leaned in and whispered something in Harry's ear.  
"You mean his hair is always like that?" Harry gasped as Draco finally lost control and burst out laughing. "I'm so very sorry, sir, but it just looks so…ugly."  
Narcissa frowned at her son's behaviour but then again…. it was Snape he was laughing at. As much as she hated to admit it, Narcissa did agree with her wild child cousin on one thing, and that was that Severus Snape was a disgrace to the society of fashion. Turning her critical eye to Snape Narcissa wrinkled her nose in disgust.  
"Where in Merlin's pants did you get those robes Severus? They look like two centuries old rags. And really, there is no need to dress only in black garments, there is other colours in the universe, you know." She sniffed, eyeing his robes cautiously, as though some dead animal might suddenly drop from the dark folds. "I must agree with Narcissa, Severus, you're a professor now. You need to dress the part. You should save those robes for when you get turned into a vampire" Minerva added. Her robes might have been old, but at least they were well taken care of. And they had been the height of fashion at one point in time, whereas the robes the Severus donned could never have been considered fashionable, and never would be. Black? And not the shiny black either? Horrendously dull. Behind the two women Harry and Draco continue to giggle away causing Snape to flush a deep red.  
"I don't think they're that bad." Lucius said frankly, looking between his wife and Snape. Narcissa just smiled prettily at her husband waving her hand airily.  
"Lucius darling, you couldn't dress yourself properly if the clothes were charmed to your body. I would have thought being a pureblood would have guaranteed these things but obviously that was not your case." Minerva cracked a smile at this obvious jab at Malfoy and took a sip of tea. Well, today might have been one of the worst days in her life, and she may have contemplated murdering Malfoy and hiding his body once or twice, or charming Harry's tongue to the top of his mouth, and she may have been insulted by Narcissa Malfoy a few too many times for her liking…but at least she got to see Snape turn into a tomato.  
That was funny as hell.  
And it almost made everything worth it.  
Almost.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Enjoy and review! You readers are clever; need I mention that Kazo Sakamari helps once more? Really…I couldn't have done this all by myself. Brilliance is only limited, after all. Naturally, that doesn't apply to J.K Rowling (who owns Harry Potter) and Dumbledore. **_

September the 1st came too quickly for Minerva's liking. Today, Harry James Potter would step through the doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and she wasn't entirely sure if the castle would still be there after he finished his education. Severus, who had been sullen ever since what she had deemed the 'Malfoy incident', was sulking in his quarters after a very…expressive argument with Albus concerning the expulsion of Harry. Minerva had been very tempted to join him, but she feared that James, the Marauders and Lily would come back to haunt her if she prevented their son from attending the school. So there she sat, nursing a glass of fine, strong brandy with the Potions Master, wallowing in self-pity and the need to perhaps imprison Harry in a far, far place where they would never need to deal with the boy.  
She sighed, resolving to restrain herself from getting drunk. For now, that was. She had no doubt in her mind that her alcohol consumption in the next seven years was going to grow considerably. Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Conquerer-Of-Voldemort was excited and a little bit (just a little bit, though) pissed. Currently, at the precise time was 10:54, the sole saviour of the wizarding world was standing in front of the barrier to Platform 9 and ¾, feeling the wall. Harry had received a number of strange looks. He never really was one to take strange looks well. "Stop bloody looking at me!" He snapped as a woman in a thick wool coat shot him a suspicious glare. He thought about brandishing his newly acquired phoenix wand, but the warning Mcgoogal left him floated in his mind. He wanted to keep his wand, thank you very much. Honestly though, Harry had gotten enough of "weirdo!" and "freak!" at Private Drive. For once in his life, he chose to make a wise decision. Well, it would have been a wise decision if he hadn't decided to replace it with another stupid one, anyway. Hence, the grey tabby perched silently in the shadows, mourned the loss of Common Sense and, naturally, the inevitable loss of Hogwarts as Harry Potter began pelting sticks and stones towards the barrier. It was entirely his fault that Minerva started to feel gratitude to bloody Malfoy Sr. as he strode towards Potter, firmly grabbed him by the arm and appeared to give him a tongue-lashing. Then, of course, Narcissa appeared. "Lucius, dear! Do stop berating Harry at once! Bullying a mere child, honestly."  
Lucius did not disappoint. "But, Cissy dear, this is Harry Potter!"  
The Transfiguration teacher felt a horrible sense of déjà vu. "He is no mere child! He is the friend of a little Dragon! Our little Dragon!"  
"The same little Dragon who is about to miss the Hogwarts Express." Draco contributed brightly, happy that he had been reunited with his friend and not at all bothered that he may miss the school train. Minerva refraining from hissing angrily, Harry had to go on the Hogwarts Express! And no one was going to stop him. In a moment of rashness, the tabby cat transformed into the stern woman with very, very acceptable clothes and approached the Malfoy family and Harry.  
When she was face to face with the wide, curious green eyes, it occurred to Minerva that she could not simply say "Go get on the train now!" That would have been…rude.  
So, there she was, looking like a right idiot. "Mr Potter, the Hogwarts Express leaves…" Minerva glanced at her pocket watch. "Now."  
Harry went wide-eyed. "Really?" Then an expression of confusion flashed on his face. "Is that bad?"  
"For Merlin's sake Potter!" Minerva snapped for what seemed to be the millionth time today as she dragged the messy haired boy's trunk behind her. "Hurry up!"  
"I'm coming, I'm coming." Harry groaned, lugging his owl's cage along looking for all the world like he wanted to kill something.  
"Malfoy!" Minerva snarled as Lucius stopped to take a breath, Narcissa shot her husband a glare as she brushed past him, trying to catch up to Minerva.  
"Don't worry about him Minerva, he's not really one for stamina." The implications of what Narcissa just said clicked in Minerva's head and she flushed.  
"Mother says that why I don't have a little brother yet." Draco piped up, bobbing along through the crowd, just a head of pale blond hair. "I think it'd be nice to have a little brother, or maybe a sister. What do you think Harry?"  
"I think a sister would be nicer."  
"I myself would love to have a little girl. Unfortunately…that has not happened." With this Narcissa shot Lucius a withering glare and started to walk a little faster.  
"What would you name her Aunt Narcissa?" Asked Harry curiously, sticking his tongue out at Lucius, obviously taking Narcissa's side on this topic.  
"Oh I don't know…there's no point in dreaming about something that's never going to happen." Narcissa snarled.  
"Now, Naricissa dear, you have to think positively about these things, maybe more practice is needed?" Minerva said soothingly, wondering how quickly her life had turned upside down. She had gone from being a well-respected teacher to comforting Narcissa Malfoy about her husband poor performance in bed. "Oh! Here we are!" Minerva sighed in relief, opening the door to the janitor's closet and ushering everyone in.  
"Malfoy! Hurry up!" She snapped as Lucius lagged behind.  
The small room was rather cramped with five people in it, plus all their luggage, and two owls. On top of that it smelled faintly of bleach and mould, a rather unpleasant combination.  
"Alright now. This is how it's going to work." Minerva spoke sharply, in what she liked to think of as her schoolteacher voice, "We are going to apparate in groups to the Three Broomsticks and from there I will make arrangement to get us to Hogwarts. We will probably arrive earlier than the train, but that shouldn't be a problem."  
She paused and looked around at Narcissa, who was nodding in agreement, and Lucius who was slightly red faced and out of breath.  
"Now, Narcissa, you will take Draco and his owl, I will take Harry and his owl, and Lucius will take all of the luggage. Questions?"

"What's a-pear-ping?" Harry asked, looking up at Minerva with big puppy dog eyes.  
"Like teleportation! Like Nightcrawler from the X-men." Draco whispered in Harry's ear.

"Ohhh…"

Lucius rounded on his wife, "Cissa, have you been letting him read those awful Muggle pictures books again?" Narcissa barely spared her husband a glance, "Darling, what's the harm in it? They're just the same as the wizard comic books, and even you read those." She raised an eyebrow as her husband opened his mouth to protest. "Don't deny it Lucius. I've caught you countless times." Minerva suppressed a smile, Narcissa was obviously the one who worn the pants in this relationship, and the thought of Lucius Malfoy reading a child comic book was pretty funny. "So, we all know what we're doing?"  
"Of course we do Minerva, we may be inbred but we're not thick."  
"Why do I have to take all the luggage?" Lucius grumbled, looking annoyed.  
"Because Minerva told you to, so deal with it, love." Narcissa looked thoughtful. 'And you're more inbred than me.' Her husband opened his mouth to protest and got something like 'Blacks are inbr-' but Narcissa waved her hand dismissively and said, 'The Blacks only married inside Britain but you Malfoys have been marrying left and right in France and England, dear.' This time Minerva couldn't help but smile slightly, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards.  
"Alright, shall I go first?"  
Narcissa nodded disinterestedly, inspecting her nails.

"Okay Harry, I want you to grab hold of your owl and my hand tightly okay, and count to three."

"One."

"Two-"  
"What the bloody hell?"  
Everyone froze and turned towards the door where a rather confused and shocked looking Bert the janitor was standing. Without warning Narcissa whipped out her wand. "Stupefy." Bert the Janitor crumpled to the floor knocked out cold. "Narcissa! You can't just do that!"  
Sighing Narcissa gave her nails one last look. "What else could I do? He's a muggle." She pointed out, nudging Bert with her foot. "Now we just modify his memory, apparate to the Three Broomsticks and be done with this all." Minerva groaned, because while Narcissa really shouldn't be stunning random muggles whenever she felt like it, that probably was the best course of action.  
"Fine." Bending down Minerva heaved Bert into his office chair and muttered "Obliviate. Now, on the count of three. One, two, three."  
And with a small pop, she and Harry Potter and his owl were gone.


	6. Chapter 6

The camera light flashed brightly into Minerva McGonagall's eyes, blinding her for approximately 3.78 seconds and, in the process, making her a very, very angry professor. Torrents of questions came from all-too-eager reporters and amongst them, a dreaded voice was heard, Rita bloody Skeeter. Minerva could (unfortunately) still remember her as a Hogwarts student, an annoying, gossipy Ravenclaw. It was hard to accept, but Skeeter was clever. Damn that woman, appearing here at this time of the day. Honestly, didn't she have better things to do than chase not-so-innocent little boys around? Apparently not, seeing as she was about an inch away from Minerva face, shoving her microphone right into front of her nose. Narcissa, who was standing behind the two with her son and husband, was alternating between pointedly staring at her pocket watch and glaring at Skeeter, who, of course, took no notice. "We really must be going." Lucius Malfoy declared imperiously. "My son and young Harry here need to be at Hogwarts by now." All cameras swiveled to focus on the blond man and his family.  
"Lucius Malfoy! What brings you here? And, oh my! That's Professor McGonagall! There, right there! And is that young Draco there? He really is turning into a handsome young man!" Malfoy puffed up his chest as though they were complimenting his looks instead of his son's and opened his mouth to say something that probably would have held Minerva and her reputation back for another decade or so. Thankfully, Narcissa gave him a dark glower (nothing that could rival Severus' of course) and then plastered on a brilliant, though fake, smile for all the reporters and said crisply, "I'm sure my husband and Professor McGonagall would be extremely pleased to answer any questions you have." Lucius nodded earnestly causing Minerva to stare, she had discovered a whole new side to the man, and it really was quite frightening. Minerva didn't think she could ever get use to a nice Malfoy. As the barrage of questions started up Minerva sighed and promised herself a large bottle of Firewhiskey to herself later on. If she was feeling nice, maybe she'll even offer some to Severus. Getting two eleven-year-old boys all the way across town was proving harder than Narcissa had originally thought, and all she had to thank for it was the construction of Hogsmeade with all of its plentiful candy shops and stores full of mischief.  
"Boys, we are in a hurry! If you do not arrive in time, you'll miss the Sorting." She snapped and pulled Draco's hand away from a rather venomous looking mammal that sported huge fangs.  
"Don't touch that, Draco dear. And Harry, didn't you want to see Hogwarts?" Narcissa twisted around in an attempt to catch a glimpse of Harry, who, given his short height, was very hard to see. "Harry love!" A mop of black hair popped up next to her.

"Auntie Cissy! Rose-ta said that we could use the flu to go to Hogwarts 'cause it's faster and all the first years are already there!"  
"Who's Rose-ta?" Draco asked curiously, standing on his toes to try to get a look at the person Harry was pointing and talking about. Across the sea of customers he could make out a brunette standing by the fireplace, holding a bowl of familiar green powder and waving for them to over. Narcissa's eyes narrowed as she recognized Madam Rosmerta, the drop dead bombshell (if not a little fake) bartender. She had been talking to Harry? Her Harry? For goodness sake, she was such a bad influence on the little boy. Narcissa knew all the gossip and rumors that had floated about during her time at Hogwarts, and she knew for a fact that Rosmerta had flirted shamelessly with Sirius when he was only a teenager. And if the rumors were true, which knowing her younger cousin when it came to women, probably were, things had gone a whole lot further than flirting… Nevertheless, she was offering to get them out of this…this dump, so Narcissa decided that she would confront Rosmerta after she got both her boys to safety. And retrieve Lucius, she added as an afterthought. Smirking at the thought of Minerva dealing with all those reporters, most of them who had probably had her as a professor and would be at least moderately respectful to her and her barely passable sense of fashion, Narcissa began pushing and shoving her way over to the fireplace, Draco and Harry following close behind. However, it wouldn't hurt to warn Harry about that…that woman, who he was talking to ever so happily. At least Draco was…oh dear Merlin…  
Her precious son had that magically reconstructed faced woman, Rosmerta whispering in his ear like he was her long lost lover or something equally as horrible.  
This was the final straw for Narcissa. Picking up the skirts of her robes she marched over to the offender, and said, very quietly and very dangerously (she was a Black after all), "Darling, Rosmerta. I know you had…sexual relations… with my dear cousin Sirius during his Hogwarts years, and I certainly hope you got tested after that, but if the thought even crosses your mind, even for the briefest of seconds, of doing anything of the sort with Draco or Harry, mark my words darling, you won't live to get another nose job. Is that clear?" Rosmerta stared at Narcissa as if she was an escapee from an insane asylum. Then, she burst out laughing and spluttered out, "Oh, no need to worry Ms. Black! I mean, Mrs. Malfoy…oh, this is simply hilarious!" Blinking rapidly Narcissa's pouty red lips turned downward into a frown. Did she think Narcissa was joking? The sheer cheek! Was she not only a fake, but dumb as well? What on earth had Sirius ever seen in this woman? Stupid question, Narcissa realized the moment she thought it, she was a woman. That was all the motive Sirius had ever needed. Wait a second, she needed to get to Hogwarts! She couldn't afford to waste her time and energy slapping this bird into her right mind. She had to get these two boys to their sorting! Breathing in a deep breath Narcissa closed her eyes and counted to ten, that's what her therapist had told her to do anyways, and then breathed out and opened her eyes. Damn bimbo was still there. Never mind, ignore her. Get the boys to Hogwarts.  
Sighing loudly at the idiots who had decided it would be a good idea to shag each other, which had resulted in that…that flubberworn of a woman, Narcissa brushed past Rosmerta, grabbed a pinch of floo powder and ushered Draco into. "You're going right into Dumbledore's office love, okay?"  
"Yes Mother!" Draco chirped, shouting out "Dumbledore's Office!" and disappearing in a swirl of green flames.  
"You next Harry, just do exactly what Draco did and I'll be right behind you."  
"Okay Aunty Cissy." Harry said, looking a little tentative as he stepped into the fireplace and called out in a rather high pitched voice "Dumbledore's Office!"  
He too disappeared into the flames leaving Narcissa with that idiotic "I'm going to sleep with a sixteen year old boy whose half my age" woman.  
They locked eyes and stared each other down until Rosmerta looked away and Narcissa smirked, grabbing a pinch of floo power for herself and stepping into the flames.  
Just as she called out "Dumbledore's Office!" and began to spin away she heard Rosmerta calling out, "Say hello to your cousin for me!" The nerve of that woman.

As Narcissa stepped out of the fireplace she found Harry and Draco were already chatting amiably with Professor Dumbledore, who looked rather amused as they told their story.  
"Ah Narcissa, you've had quite that day from what I hear." He said, blue eyes twinkling.  
"Yes, and it just keeps getting better, Dumbledore." Narcissa answered dryly, glancing at her watch. "Are we late for the sorting?"  
Dumbledore waved a wrinkled hand through the air, "No, no, you're perfectly on time. It's only just gotten started."  
"Lovely. Shall we head on down then?"  
"Yes, yes of course! Ladies first." Narcissa nodded stiffly and made her way out the door onto the spiral staircase, fully aware of Harry and Draco exclamations of surprise and awe as if began to move of its own accord. "Where might I ask, is your husband and Professor McGonagall?"  
"Ahh…" Narcissa tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear and smiled charmingly. "They were…delayed…in the Three Broomsticks." Then a thought struck her and her smile grew.  
"Perhaps, Albus, it would be helpful to send Severus along to assist them? I'm sure they would very much appreciate it."  
"Of course, I'll send him off right away."  
The mental image of Severus and Rita Skeeter filled her mind and she giggled. Oh he was going to get it. Lucius had been rather excited to be interview in the beginning, he rarely ever got to actually voice his opinion anymore. Narcissa was rather…controlling in that regard. Well, she was controlling in most regards, but still. She seemed to think that he would open up his mouth and say something stupid. "How is you sex life with Narcissa going?" One random voice called out and Lucius turned, trying to pin point which reporter had asked the question when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see his old friend Severus standing there, smirking.  
"I wouldn't answer that one if I were you Lucius."  
"Severus, what are you doing here?"  
"Stopping you from having to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life apparently."  
"Does that mean that the rumors of an upcoming divorce between you and Narcissa are true?" Another voice called out and Lucius spun around.  
"No!" Severus just chuckled and looked around for Minerva, who was doing a fairly decent job at keeping the vicious mob of reporters at bay.  
"Minerva!"  
Minerva turned and saw Severus standing near Lucius looking especially smug and carefully began to extract herself from the hordes and made her way over.  
"Severus, what are you doing here?"  
"Narcissa hinted that you might need some help."  
"Did she? I've been doing fine thank you very much." Minerva said hotly.  
Severus just rolled his eyes and leaned over, whispering "I think she was more concerned with how Lucius would fare…"  
"Oh…yeah he looked like he needed some help there. That question about his relations with Rodulphus Lestrange in the men's room really threw him." Back at the castle Harry and Draco had been ushered into the great Hall and were giggling back and forth to each other at the back of the line waiting for their names to be called. Since they had been late getting there it seemed like they would be the last ones to be called, and eventually Draco's name was called and he gave Harry a cheeky smile before strutting up to the hat and disappearing underneath its brim.  
After a few long seconds the hat shouted out a confident "SLYTHERIN!" and Draco pulled it off his head triumphantly, giving Harry another smile before taking a seat at the furthest table near the windows.  
Harry, now the only first year left to be sorted, squirmed as all eyes turned to him and the whispers began.  
"Is that Harry Potter?"  
"The Boy Who Lived?  
"Can you see his scar?"  
"No way that's him?"  
"Look at his hair!"  
Eventually the short little man standing near the hat cleared his throat several times and the hall fell quiet.  
Harry pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and tried to avoid looking anywhere but his shoe.  
"Potter, Harry." It was barely a whisper, yet the sound seemed to echo around the hall. The entire student body seemed to be holding their breath as Harry stumbled over his feet making his way to the stool, his shoes uncharacteristically loud in the silence.  
He caught a faint glance of Draco, face pale and nervous for him, before darkness obscured his vision.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Perhaps it really was too cruel to leave you with a Sorting cliffie. So, here's the chapter, complete with loads of mayhem and (surprise, surprise) the suffering of Harry's dorm mates. It's an extra long chapter! :) Thank Kazo Sakamari, for without her; this story would never have been born.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **_

_Sorting Hat speech_

"Hello, Mr Potter," a small voice whispered in Harry's ear, "yes…I knew I'd be seeing you soon,"  
Harry froze, the first thought that came into the eleven-year-old mind was that this…hat…was Ollivander, hat-i-fied…  
Then, he realized that there was a talking voice inside his head.  
"ARGHH!" Harry shrieked, pulling the Sorting Hat off his head violently and flinging it to the floor.  
"THIS THING IS CURSED! BEWITCHED! MIND TALKER!"  
The whole Hogwarts staff had stood up in shock, except for Severus (of course) who was sitting there, calm as one could be with a sneer.  
Professor McGonagall, white faced with rage, moved forward swiftly, her lips as thin as they could be and glared at Harry.  
"Potter! Sit down this instant or you will regret it!"  
The older students of Hogwarts stared in shock, at their usually composed Professor, eyes wide as Harry (rather foolishly) protested.  
"But Professor Mcgoogal! That thing-" he pointed at the Sorting Hat which was now in the hands of Aurora Sinistra, who was patting the dust off the hat and nodding sympathetically to its complaints, "-it's cursed! It's talks!"  
The professor's left eye started to twitch disturbingly and then-  
"POTTER! I AM GOING TO DISEM-"  
Most have already guessed what she was about to say for now, and so in addition to the wide eyes, there were dropping jaws.  
"Now, now Minerva. There is no need for this…aggravation. You wouldn't want to encumber your health in any way would you? There are better things to die from than Potter's foolish antics I'm sure…." Said the renowned silky voice of the Potions Master from his place at the table. He smirked at Minerva's rather indignant reaction before rounding on Harry.  
"Mr. Potter, as much as you adore attention, please refrain from causing such a scene. If you had a single brain cell in that thick head of yours, you would realize that the Sorting Hat is charmed to speak inside your mind…no doubt, a great pleasure on its part."  
The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife.  
"I do have brain cells inside my mind, you know…"  
Minerva thought she heard a trace of hurt in Harry's voice as he stomped over to Aurora and snatched the hat from her.  
Oh, Severus definitely had it coming now…

"Oh…it's you again." The Sorting Hat grumbled.  
"Yeah, no need to sound so disappointed."  
"You just threw me onto the ground, Mr. Potter. I doubt you'd be too happy if I did the same to you."  
"Well…I'm sorry about that. Now, just do your job so we can get this over with please?"  
The hat made a sound that Harry could only interpret as an indignant huff.  
"Fine then. Interesting mind you have, Mr. Potter. I haven't had such a challenge in ages. Fine mind, indeed."  
"Thanks?"  
"Yes, it was a compliment. Now, quite the brain, contrary to what Severus says. And unimaginable loyalty, you would make quite the amazing Hufflepuff. I must say, you could go to any house and fit in wonderfully, what do you prefer, Mr. Potter?"  
"I was hoping for Slytherin, actually."  
"Slytherin? My, my, that is quite surprising. I confess I was expecting you to ask for Gryffindor, like your parents."  
"Yes, well. I'm not either of my parents, am I? So…do I have a chance in Slytherin?"  
"Yes, a good chance, in fact. Ambition, the want to prove oneself, cunning even if you may not realize it…though, if I were to put you in Slytherin, your traits will flourish. Salazar's house is the path to greatness, Mr. Potter."  
"Great! Slytherin, please."  
"Just remember, do not tread the wrong path, Mr. Potter."  
"I-"  
"SLYTHERIN!"

The silence was deafening. It was clear that no one had expected the Boy-Who-Lived to be a snake. Not that he really cared though. Harry made his way to the Slytherin table with a satisfied smile on his face and took a seat next to Draco.  
"Hey, mate. Fancy clapping for me?" With that prompt, Draco gave a glare to the other Slytherin first years and started up an ovation.  
"Thanks."  
"My pleasure."

"PUGLEY, POLLY!"  
"RAVENCLAW!"  
"WEASLEY, RONALD!"  
The three boys waited for the predictable "GRYFFINDOR!" that would surely follow, but after a few seconds of silence, Harry realized that Weasley seemed to be arguing with the hat. He then remembered vaguely about how Draco said about Weasleys being guaranteed Gryffindor's. Maybe his friend was wrong…  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
The shocked silence was just as bad, if not worse than Harry's as everyone stared at the redhead who was blushing so fiercely his ears looked like they were on fire.  
Then, the silence was broken by a loud, "WAY TO GO, WEASEL!"  
Draco jumped in his seat and glanced across the table before leaning toward Harry whispering quietly, "that's Theodore Nott. They say he went a bit batty after his father got killed by that madman."  
At Harry's questioning (and half appalled) look, he added, "You know, Mad Eye Moody. That bloke is as crazy as a phelly-wish-on."  
Harry's pity at Theodore Nott vanished for a moment as his confused over what a phelly-wish-on is took over.  
Maybe later he'll ask Draco to explain, for now he'll just introduce himself…  
"Hi, I'm Harry. Harry Potter." The Boy-Who-Lived said, offering a hand.  
"Well, yeah. Everyone knows that." Theodore carelessly said, ignoring the hand.  
"Theodore Nott."  
"Err yeah, Draco told me about you..." To Harry's surprise, Theodore scowled.  
"Oh, that pompous git? He's no-"  
Ron Weasley, with perfect timing and a fire truck red face, suddenly appeared breaking off Theodore's sentence.  
"Err, hi. Umm…well, it was right decent of you to…well, you know. I was just…umm…CanIsitwithyou?"  
Theodore glanced at Ron for a long moment before waving his hand dismissively.  
"Do whatever you want, Weasel." And with that, he turned back to watch as Blaise Zabini was also sorted into Slytherin.

"Blaise Zabini." The dark skinned boy introduced as he leaned over to shake Harry's hand.  
"Harry Potter. It is a pleasure to meet you, Blaise Zabini."  
Blaise nodded solemnly.  
"Likewise, Harry Potter."  
Just as the Sorting Hat called out, "RAVENCLAW!" the two boys burst into raucous laughter.  
"This behaviour is most unfitting of members of the honourable house of Salazar." Draco quoted, receiving Blaise's raised eyebrows and Harry's wrinkled nose.  
"Seriously, Draco? You sound like a pompous git." Blaise remarked over the applause of the Ravenclaw table.  
Draco slouched down in his seat, scowling.  
"I was just pointing it out…"  
"Sure you were mate." Blaise said, clapping Draco on the back,.  
"Of course Draco." Harry agreed and sniggered when Draco stuck his tongue out.  
"You two suck."  
"Oh just shut up already Draco."  
"Yeah, we're sick of hearing your voice."  
"Fine then. I'll just never speak again." Draco snapped crossing his arms over his chest.  
Harry and Blaise shared a glance and began examining the rest of Hogwarts staff.  
"I think he's probably the potions teacher, he looks like one doesn't he?"  
"I thought it was the woman?"  
"Sweet Salazar, Professor Snape is the potions master. Honestly!" Draco muttered. Harry and Blaise burst out laughing.  
"Mate, your silent treatment working for about two seconds."  
"Yes, well I'd like it if the rest of you stayed silent." Theodore said, glaring at them all for a second. "Weasel and I are busy over here."  
"Doing what?"  
Ron glanced wearily at Theodore who snapped at him.  
"I'm not explaining it."  
Rolling his eyes Ron turned to them and smiled, "We're pretty much just betting on who gets into which house."  
"She's in Hufflepuff. I bet you two Herbology assignments." Theodore said, nodding toward a small brunette girl, who was next in line.  
"That's cheating! I didn't get enough time to evaluate her!"  
Scoffing Theodore turned to face Ron full on, "Weasel. You're in Slytherin, Slytherins cheat. All the bloody time. Get used to it."  
Ron huffed, punching Theodore in the shoulder.  
"Fine, I say Ravenclaw for one potions essay."  
They waited a beat as the girl pulled the hat onto her head before a defining "RAVENCLAW!" echoed around the hall.

"I hate this game."  
Ron laughed gleefully and turned to the other first years, "I'm winning so far, by a ton."  
Theodore scowled, but then smiled after a second nodding to the next boy in line.  
"What about him?"  
The boy was tall, hunched over in a failed attempt to make himself the same height as the other first years. He had thick, curly black hair and tan skin that had a slightly ashy undertone to it, making him look sickly.  
"Definitely not a Gryffindor." Ron muttered, "He looks like he'd strangle anyone who comes within three metres of him."  
"Wait…I know him." Draco said suddenly, leaning forward in his seat trying to get a better look.

Blaise snorted. "Blind much, Draco?"  
"Who is he?" Harry asked, squinting at the figure through his cracked glasses.  
"I…I can't remember…but I definitely know him."  
The other first years exchanged a glance and Theodore rolled his eyes.  
"Romani, Nico."  
The boy stiffened at the sound of his name, and carefully made his way to the stool, pulling the hat over his head.  
"Yes! I know him!" Draco exclaimed brightly. "He's a pureblood. From Italy I think, my mother used to talk about the Romani family."  
Theodore frowned for a second, " …I've heard that name before…"  
Just as Blaise was about to say something the hat yelled out, "SLYTHERIN!" and the Romani boy gently tugged it off his head and walked calmly over to the Slytherin table.  
"Hi." Harry said, sticking out his hand. "I'm Harry."  
The newest Slytherin first year stared at Harry's outstretched hand, then Harry, then back to his hand before finally taking it.  
"Nico."  
Harry smiled. "It's nice to meet you Nico, this is Draco, Blaise, Theodore and Ron." He introduced, pointing to them each in turn.  
Nico nodded politely, "Nice to meet you all."  
Draco squinted at him, cocked his head, and peered at him again. Nico raised an eyebrow.  
"Romani…"  
"Yes, that's my name." Nico said wryly. "You really are intelligent, Malfoy."

Draco, for once, decided not to take offence to that and instead, he asked cautiously, "Aren't you all…aren't you all thieves?"  
Nico smirked, and was silent. Meanwhile, Harry and his newfound friends were whispering.

"What I don't get," Began Blaise, "Is why he was sorted _after _me. His last name is Romani, and my last name is-

"Zabini." Ended Theodore, sounding a bit irritated. Though he had clearly told that Potter not to drag him into this conversation, he was still here. "We all know that, genius. So he should be before you. Yes, yes, yes, we all know those things. What _I _don't get is why we're wasting all this time discussing him, when we could be eating."

Ron nodded agreeably, his mouth stuffed with chicken. Initially, he had been upset because of his house, but now, it seemed that Slytherins weren't _too _bad. They didn't seem like Death Eater wannabes yet, and that was all that mattered to Ron.

"Aren't you curious?" Harry asked. "Nico is from Italy, according to Draco, so shouldn't he be going to some Italian school?"

"No, Potter." A new voice said; Nico. Obviously their 'soft' conversation hadn't been soft enough. "I am extraordinarily blessed to be at Hogwarts, and as you can see, I am clearly enjoying it." Harry couldn't see. Nico did not look even slightly happy. "And do stop whispering about me."

Nico was the last Slytherin of the evening, and the other first years quickly found out he was not one to smile or talk, though when he did he was always polite and curt.  
Harry and Ron found a common ground during the feast when it became immediately apparent that they were the only two first years who did not have proper table manners. Or what seemed to be any manners at all.  
Draco, for the sake of being Harry's friend, ignored his shortcomings but wrinkled his nose at Ron. Theodore, who seemed to have taken a liking, or at least didn't hate Ron, sneered back at Draco. Blaise just ignored them all and stuffed his face with food, claiming that he had missed breakfast and lunch this morning in his hast to get to the train.  
And of course, Harry and Draco managed to start a food fight, which was small and quickly stifled by McGonagall, much to their displeasure.  
Nico sat through it all, carefully and gingerly picking at his food at examining them all through his thick fringe.

They were all sitting on their newly chosen beds in the first year dormitory, talking and laughing. No one was tired enough to go to bed, even though the day had been long and…tiring.  
"Isn't your Mom…like a model or something?" Theodore asked Blaise, though somehow he made it seem more like an accusation.  
Blaise shrugged. "No, she's just really pretty, but she marries a new guy every year about."  
Draco made a face, "Ugh…that must suck."  
"It's not so bad, I mean...they all buy me everything I could ever want."  
The other boys nodded and Harry drew his knees up to his chest. Draco was his best friend, and he knew how his friend lived, but he still felt a little out of his element here. He wasn't rich, his mother wasn't beautiful, his family wasn't famous and he lived in a cupboard for Christ sake!  
He glanced up again as laughter rang out in the dormitory, Blaise having just told a funny joke and his eyes met Nico's.  
Nico cocked his head at Harry and smiled reassuringly, his dark blue eyes flickering to Draco and back as if to remind Harry that he did fit in.

Harry let out a sigh of relief that he hadn't realised he was holding. So, Nico had forgiven him. That was good. Harry liked Nico quite a bit, and found his sarcasm quite amusing.  
"So Nico…" Draco trailed off and Nico glanced over.  
"Yes?"  
"So…the Romani family, you guys are all thieves aren't you?"  
Silence descended on the dormitory and all eyes turned toward Nico.  
"My family is very well respected in Italy."  
"As thieves…?"  
"We…have requisitioned many items of value over the years…"  
"So you steal things…"  
Nico opened his mouth for a second, and then closed it, giving a tight smile.  
"Yes, but we never get caught."  
"So you are a thief."  
"A thief has no rank in society, no honour in life. We Romanis are of high rank in Italy, so, no, I would not use the name thief to describe my family."

An awkward silence took over. Then, Theodore foolishly said,

"Well, _requisitioning _in most countries is thieving, Romani." To everyone's surprise, Nico did not take offence, instead saying softly,

"Well, thieving it is, then. I care not."

Funnily enough, Harry found himself liking Nico even more.

Finally all the students were safe and sound in their dormitories, the other teachers were long gone and Minerva was finally able to relax.  
Or somewhat relax…  
"Severus."  
"Minerva. What a lovely surprise to see you in my quarters unannounced." Severus said, his face twisted in a grimace.  
"Is it?"  
They stared at one another for a long moment.  
"Care for a drink, Minerva?"  
"I'd love one."  
Severus nodded and went over to his desk, pulling out some firewhiskey and two crystal glasses.  
"Potter's in my house." He stated neutrally, evaluating Minerva's expression.  
"I know. And he's not in Gryffindor. As much as it amuses me to see Albus choking and spitting out food, this is…well…" Minerva took a long sip of whiskey and sighed. "That's actually what I'm here to talk about."  
"You're in my quarters drinking firewhiskey because of Potter? And are you intending to say the people in my house, Merlin forbid, are _untrustworthy?_"  
"Yes to both! Why did you think I was here?!"  
"Minerva, you foolish Gryffindor…when most women invite themselves into my bedroom and get drunk…they're here for a different reason…"  
"MERLIN! NO!" Minerva coughed at the indications, spitting all over Severus. "HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT? OH, I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY AGAIN!"  
Severus sighed and gingerly wiped the firewhiskey off his face.  
"So you wanted to talk about Potter?"  
"Merlin's pants, you can't just switch topics like that!"  
"I believe I just did."  
"Severus-"  
"What about Potter?"  
"What?"  
"You came to talk about Potter, yes?"  
"Oh yes…Severus, he's only eleven years old and he is by no means his father. He's sensitive and unbelievably impressionable. You have to be careful with him."  
"You want me to be careful with Potter?"  
"No…I want you to try."  
"Try to be careful with Potter…that's like, trying not to step on a dragon in a cramped cave. Bloody impossible."

**Review?**


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